Living Grace

I can't believe it's almost been 2 months since our last blog entry. For that I apologize. Life gets going fast and this somehow gets put on the back burner. We pray your Christmas and New Year was exciting and full of time with family and friends. We had a wonderful, relaxing time together with our dear friends here in Cape Town. As most missionaries will say, it's hard being so far away during the holidays, but we are grateful for our new family here who makes it feel more like home. Since January we have been busy hosting different people in our little home. My mom arrived on the first of January and it was such a joy to have her here with us. She spent 13 days here and soaked everything up. It is kind of a blur now looking back because we did so many things, but she had a wonderful time seeing our world and loving on our family in Red Hill.

I have to share one of the moments when my mom was here. Most of you reading this don't know that my mom was/is an alcoholic. For the first 9 years of my life my mom spent most of her days with a bottle to her mouth, not remembering the next day what happened the night before. There are certain things I remember when I was little but not much. I remember that she was always a loving/caring mother that would do absolutely anything for me. To make matters worse my father was also an alcoholic so my mom didn't have the support she needed to get help. My dad died when I was 8 years old on New Years Eve. My mom continued to drink for the next year or so. Until one day, she woke up from a hangover, looked herself in the mirror and said, "I have got to change." My mom took her last drink on St. Patrick's Day, 1998. She called that day and became apart of an AA group that was meeting close to where we lived. She had the utmost support from my step dad, Ted, and began her road to sobriety. She will tell you now that it wasn't easy. There were days that all she wanted to do was pick up a bottle of liquor and drink the whole thing. But through this journey something bigger happened. Something that she didn't plan. Through this journey she found the one person that had been there all along. She found Jesus. He met her exactly where she was and told her that He had been waiting. While she had a lot of questions about this so called "God," she kept searching and within a couple of years, gave her life to Christ and has never looked back. That's the beautiful thing about our King, He has always and will always be there.

I tell you all of this because my favorite moment when my mom was here was when we went to Living Grace, the drug and rehab center that falls under the Living Hope umbrella of ministries. She sat among 10-15 people who are on the same journey she was on 15 years ago. Some had been clean for a couple months, some 2 weeks, and some 1 day. As we sat there I couldn't help but look at the faces in that circle. Some looked excited. Others looked terrified. As I looked over at my mom I could see the love she already had for these people. Strangers in our eyes, but children of the most high God. Children that are so loved and cared for that He doesn't need us but He chooses us to walk alongside them. My mom quietly raised her hand and shared with the people in the circle. She told them, "don't give up...I have sat where you are sitting...the road isn't easy but it's worth it...I have seen my life change dramatically...Instead of waking up ashamed and unaware of the night before, I wake up with joy and the realization that I am so loved and adored...It will get better...Stick with it..." As I listened to the words come out of my moms mouth my eyes filled with tears. This woman that I have called my mom for 25 years is truly a beautiful example of grace. I am so thankful that she was able to come here and not only hang out with us and encourage us, but also speak truth into peoples lives who are seeking Christ more then ever. She shines so brightly and people can see the love of Christ inside of her. My prayer is my mom's words stick with those sitting in that circle at Living Grace. When the day comes that they want to take a sip of alcohol or have some drugs, they will remember the words my mom spoke. That they will remember the road isn't going to be easy, but the reward of knowing and living a life for Christ is far greater then anything that they could ever imagine. Thank you mom for being the women you are, for loving people the way you do, and for showing me the joy of the Lord. You are my hero.

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

He is God, He is great, He is enough

It seems like yesterday that we started our journey to South Africa. Finalizing Visa information, making packing list, and getting ready for the new life we were going to start together. There were times when doubt filled my mind and I really wondered what we were doing. We had only been married for 6 weeks and were moving our life an ocean away from family, friends, and everything that was comfortable. In the midst of all that craziness one thing remained the same, our God is faithful and He was walking this road with us. We said from the beginning of this journey that we were going to continue to walk through doors as they opened. If a door closed then we would know that the Lord was leading us down another path. As doors continued to open we knew that the next season of our life would be spent sharing the name of Christ to the people of South Africa. We have been here a little over a year now and I had to remind myself this morning of the same thing I told myself 17 months ago, God is faithful and He is walking down this road with us. As most of you know we had a fundraiser Friday night to raise money for the duration of our time here in South Africa. Through a couple of months of prayer and talking to mentors in our life, we feel that our time in Cape Town is coming to a close and a new chapter is going to begin. We will be heading back to the states in May for good. We are at complete peace about this decision and feel as if we are following the Lord's will for our lives at this point. When we started talking about the fundraiser it was overwhelming, but with the help of some amazing people back home we were able to make it happen. Once we had sent out invitations the only thing left to do was film a short video that would be shown the night of the fundraiser and pray for people to come out and support us. As the days drew closer I began to worry. Why isn't anyone telling me if they can come? What if nobody shows up? What if the people that do show up don't give as much as we need? Why is fundraising so difficult? All these questions starting to pour in and it was very frustrating. I spent so much time asking God to provide. I kept expressing to Him how much we want to be here and we can't do that if we don't raise the necessary funds. This morning I had a huge wake up call. Who am I to doubt God? Who am I to put limits and think He isn't going to provide for Nathan and I? I doubted the same God who was with us every step of this journey and who literally paved the way for us being here today. I doubted the God who through every tear, illness, confusion, and need was there. He was there, holding us close, telling us we were going to be okay, because He is our Father and He loves us to much for us not to be okay. My eyes filled with tears as I read Psalm 77:11-15 this morning. "I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples? You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph." What god is like OUR GOD? There is none. I am so thankful for that reminder this morning. This journey has had it's bumps in the road. Times where I was so confused and never thought I would understand. I will probably leave here in May and not really understand the impact we made while we were here and that's okay. There is one thing that I will know when I leave and it's the same thing that I have known all along. Our God is faithful and he has walked this entire road with us. We should expect great things from God because He is just that, GREAT! If something doesn't work out exactly the way we want it to, that's okay because He is still great! We don't know the number yet on how much we raised on Friday night but I'm not going to worry about it like I have been because we have always had enough. I have gotten so wrapped up in raising the exact number we need but now I rejoice knowing that His name was lifted high and He received the glory for all that is happening here in Cape Town. We are excited to finish out our last 6 months here strong and remembering that He is God, He is great, and He will always be enough. 

CONSIDER It Pure Joy

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of any kind, for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance”  James 1:2-3

Have you ever read a verse that you’ve read for years, maybe even have it memorized for some occasions, and understood it to mean one thing, only to realize later that it has an even deeper meaning?  That verse you read or have memorized can comfort you, put a smile on your face, or pull you through a tough situation depending on your circumstances.  I’m sure you even can use it to help someone else in a similar situation.  Even after having it memorized or having recited it to others in need, you can read it and it’s like you’re reading it for the first time.  Life happens, adversity comes along and so you naturally default to the word, phrase, or verse that you go to when you need to pull through and BOOM.  It’s like your reading it for the first time. Your current set of circumstances allows you to understand this thing in an entirely new context.  That’s what happened this week with the above scripture in James.

For years, anytime something happened I wish hadn’t to me or someone close to me, I’d generally go back to this passage to help gain perspective and hopefully it would aid my getting over it.  Whether using it to get over a broken heart, missed opportunity, lost job or whatever my default mindset was to be happy, because that’s what God tells us to do.  Consider it pure joy.   Even though you don’t understand, consider it a joy because this testing of your faith will make you stronger.  Be happy because your faith is growing.  While that mindset isn’t necessarily a bad one, I was leaving out one critical detail.  There was still pain.  This verse didn’t cure the hurt that had caused me to go to this passage in the first place.  Then I read it yesterday and my mind was shattered.  My understanding of this passage of Scripture was just flipped on its head. 

Prior to yesterday, my formula for getting through tough situations using these verses was very easy.  Be happy, even in the pain, because you’ll be stronger for it and you’re faith will grow as a result.  The better front you put up, the easier it is to get over and move on, the more you’ll grow. 

Late Sunday night, our car was broken into, adding a broken window to a long list of problems we’ve had to sort out with our Jeep.  Along with some change, 3D movie glasses, and a car charger, all our paperwork for this vehicle was stolen.  This headache was compounded by the surprise visit to an Ophthalmologist on Tuesday who determined that I have ulcers on both corneas in my eyes.  After what we thought was a routine eye exam because I needed some new contacts, we were advised to rush to the specialist who had worked me in so he could get a better look at these ulcers.  The thought of ulcers like you get in our mouth and lips in your eyes is far worse that the pain is.  Although my eyesight has deteriorated a bit because of them, I should be back to 100% after 2 weeks of medicine. 

But it was in the couple of hours just after the doctor appointment that I started in my default – thinking and praying this passage.  I was saying it over and over in my head on my way home from Club when it hit me. 

Consider it pure joy my brothers.

Consider it pure joy.

CONSIDER it pure joy. 

There’s where my mind had been blown and my understanding of a verse I had often called upon during trying times had been given a deeper understanding.  Although I had already resorted to thinking about how this experience would help me later in life, God opened my eyes, quite literally, to the truth in the first word of the verse.  Consider.  Where my previous mindset told me to be happy, and smile through all this mess, this word told me that it was fine to be frustrated, confused and upset.  Through this single word, my previous mindset had been rocked with a new perspective.  I love it when God does that.  

Lion and Lamb

As I sat in church yesterday, listening to the pastor talk about  Revelation 1, I couldn't help but think of all the characteristics of God. We walked through the first chapter, verse by verse, really getting to the core of what each verse means. It was so humbling sitting there listening to the promise we have in Christ. I have read the first chapter of Revelation before but this time I left with a whole new perspective. I love when that happens when reading scripture.We were given this picture of Christ yesterday that I haven't been able to get out of my head since he said it. He talked to us about Jesus being the lion and the lamb. I have heard that plenty of times, but when I really sat and thought about it, I was reminded of how beautifully it is illustrated. When Jesus was on earth He was the person that everyone would run to when something was wrong. He drew people in by the love that He continually showed people. He was a healer and a protector. He was kind and tender. He was sought. He is the lamb. Now, Jesus sits on His throne in heaven. He is Mighty. He is Powerful. He is Righteous. He is King. He is the lion. He is not only accessible but he is our authority. These two words are so perfect to describe our creator. I think about John as he sat in his jail cell when all of this was happening in the first chapter. It says in Revelation 1:15 that his voice was like the roar of many waters. John describes His voice sounding like the sea because his cell sat right up against it. Revelation 1:17 says, "When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore." Although Christ is the ultimate King, He is still our comforter. He comforted John when he was afraid. There are so many words that describe our Savior. As I sat after church yesterday, I started thinking about all of the words. I think I could spend the whole evening writing down words that describe our King. He is perfect. holy. friendly. father. helpful. protective. compassionate. forgiving. empowering. discerning. consuming. cleansing. healing. destroying. delivering. fulfilling. faithful. provider. freeing. liberating. courageous. victorious. trustworthy. immune. honored. reliable. good. praised. glorified. famous. renowned. needed. beautiful. living. active. alive. amazing. inspiring. creative. abundant. rich. pure. real. safe. remarkable. extraordinary. miraculous. astounding. He is God! He loves us. He frees us. The promise that we have through Christ is absolutely incredible. As I think about this promise I am confident in the love that Christ has for me. He adores me. I am his daughter. He is my number one fan. My prayer is that we remember Christ as the lion and the lamb that He is. We will hold fast to the fact that He is our protector and our King! We are nothing without Him and with Him everything is held together perfectly. "And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of the cross." Colossians 1:17-20 

A Week of Carnivals

This past week we did something a little different. All the kids were off school for holiday. Usually during this past week we have a holiday club where we have kids and teens club everyday Monday-Friday. This year we tried something new! We had carnivals in each community that Living Hope works in. Monday we were in Red Hill. Tuesday we had a day off to celebrate Braii (grill out) day here in Cape Town, woo hoo! Wednesday we were in Capricorn. Thursday we were in Ocean view. Friday we ended the week in Masiphumelele. As we prepared for the carnivals none of us really knew what to expect. we learned how to make balloon animals, prepared crafts, and learned some new games to teach the children. I remember being a little girl and loving when a carnival or fair would come to town. I knew I would get to go on fun rides, play games, win prizes, and eat food that would make my stomach hurt later that day but wouldn't care because it was so good! It was the whole experience that I loved and would get excited about, especially getting to share that with my friends. As we set up in Red Hill on Monday nobody really knew how the day would turn out. Kids starting arriving and they were so excited. They were ready to jump in and do everything we had planned for them. We made tons of balloon animals, painted a lot of faces, and played with the parachute until my arms hurt. This continued the whole week in each of the communities. It was really cool for Nathan and I to be in all of the communities this week. We were able to meet new kids and spend quality time with all the other life skill educators. One thing stayed consistent all week though. It didn't matter if the balloon animal you made looked funny. It didn't matter if the spider you drew on a kids face looked like a caterpillar. It didn't matter how crazy the day seemed once we were all packed up. They were overjoyed that we were there spending time with them for the day. One of my favorite parts of the week was on Thursday. I was face painting a little boy who was five years old. He was so excited to get his face painted and told me he wanted a spider on his cheek. I had painted a lot of spiders that day and most of them didn't resemble a spider in my mind. As I sat there painting, the little boy was trying not to smile when the paint brush would touch his face. I continued painting and when I was finished I showed him his face in the mirror. The look on his face was priceless. His eyes became the size of golfballs and his smile stretched ear to ear. He said thank you and gave me the biggest hug in the world. He stood up and ran away with his arms in the air screaming, "I'm spiderman!" It was in that moment that I was reminded of the simplicity in life. It doesn't matter if these kids have the best things, they are truly happy with the simple things. On Thursday that little boy was spiderman and that was enough for him. My prayer is that we all can find joy in the simple things in life. Time with family, the smile on our friends face when we tell a funny story, or the promise we remember when we see a rainbow. May we all strive to live life this way and to remember the simple things that bring us so much joy! 

Chosen: The Legacy Leighton Has Left Behind

As I sit here with a heavy heart and hope for what's to come, I am reminded of how magnificent of a God we serve. In life we hit road blocks where monumental things happen to us. There are moments that take us by surprise, moments of utter disbelief, moments of unmeasurable joy, and moments where we wish we could stop time in its tracks. This past weekend I lost a friend that meant so much to everyone that she had ever met. Someone who lived a life of pure joy and selflessness. A life that people would look at from the outside and think, "man that girl has something special!" Although her life was cut a lot shorter then we all wanted, her purpose on this earth was complete. While heartache is upon all who knew her and eyes are filled with tears, we hold on to a hope that we serve a God who knows all of us by name and has written the ending to all of our stories here on earth. Many will gather today in Tennessee to celebrate the life of that beautiful, fun, and loving girl. Hearts will cry out and many people will ask the question, why? It's okay to ask those questions. It's okay to question why it happened and mourn over this trying time. But at the end of the day, when Leighton is laid to rest, we can all join together knowing that she is with Christ, high above the clouds, worshipping Him and fully alive in His presence. Her story was written and her story is now complete here. She was chosen to live the life that she did, to impact the lives that she did, and to leave a legacy that people will talk about for years to come. Her life has left us all with a challenge. A challenge to live life to the absolute fullest. A challenge to put others before ourselves. A challenge to make Christ known through our daily walk. I am blessed to have known Leighton Williams. I am thankful for the influence that she made on my life and the handprint that she has left in my heart. 

Tonight, while reading a book I was recently given, I couldn't help but think how thankful I am to be chosen by God. I am the daughter of a God who didn't choose me because he had to, but because He wanted to. He chose me because He loves me so much and wants to see me happy. Times like now it's hard to remember that, but the chapter I read tonight brought new hope into my life. We all know how it feels to be chosen by someone. A friend, that special guy, or a job position that we have wanted for years. It's sometimes hard to process God choosing us because we can't physically see or touch him. But He is there and He has chose US! His love for us is so vast that we can't even comprehend it. Kelly Minter, author of "The Fitting Room," illustrates it beautifully in her book...

"It is only when my view of God is distinctly human and small that I think, well, God is supposed to choose me, right? But when I understand even a fraction of his magnificence and greatness, I have the utter opposite response--one of disbelief and gratitude that the God who governs every atom of the universe acquainted Himself with my unique being, lovingly, and individually picking me with His mighty hands, holding me with the tenderness and awe of a child cupping his first sand dollar. And when I consider Psalm 139 and meditate on the Lord's intimate knowledge of me, I begin to understand that I have not been mindlessly chosen as one soul in an enormous pack, like a rancher purchasing a herd of cattle. Instead, God has chosen me as a beloved individual who has been searched and known. Whose sitting and rising, and coming and going does not escape the roaring, never-slumbering eyes of God. He is familiar with all my ways, the words on my tongue before I speak them. His loving hand has hemmed me in on every side. I cannot rise to heaven or flee to hell or skip across the ocean without His presence attending me. And when I was in my mother's womb, and God was spinning planets and drawing the tide in and out, while he was dressing the fields, and feeding the sparrows, He was somehow, at the same, knitting together my fair skin and hazel eyes with my sensitive heart and melancholy temperament, stitching together threads of genes that science has yet to even identify And while He sits on His throne, ruling and working, He thinks about me with vast and innumerable thoughts. I think this is what it means to be chose. And though we are part of a vast number of saints who have also been chose, it does not in any way diminish the exclusivity of God's individual choosing of me or you." 

I couldn't have put it any more perfect. How can you read that and not have hope! We are chosen. The life we live here is not ours, but it belongs to Christ. He has chosen us for this time to make His name known. He has uniquely molded us into His most beautiful masterpiece. There will be times of immense grief on earth, times like I said above, where we question who God is and what His ultimate plan is. But let's take grasp of the peace and hope He offers us. Let's join together and celebrate the amazing gift He has given us, the gift of being chosen. The gift of being sons and daughters of the most high God! That is my hope tonight and for tomorrow. 

Tonight I am celebrating Leighton and her life. Saddened I can't be at home with friends, my heart is stretched over the ocean that separates us and is there. But tonight I have hope and peace because I know the hope that has come with the life Leighton lived. I have peace because she was chosen by our beautiful King and is living a life of pure joy in the most beautiful place in the universe. She is with our sweet Savior and I can't think of a better place to spend eternity! 

I love you Leighton, see you soon! 

365 Days

365 days, 1 year older, and so much left to learn! Today I turned 25 years old and it's been one amazing day. Each year seems to go by faster and faster. I blink and 365 days have passed  once again. 24 was very good to me. I was newly married, moved across the world to South Africa, made new friends, fell in love with a beautiful community that sits high on a hill, and in return feel even more in love with my beautiful Savior. While 24 was a very good year, it had it's challenges. I moved halfway across the world 6 weeks after being married, I had to say goodbye to family and friends, I began to see the deep hurt and trials in a community that I love, and sometimes no matter how hard I searched, I felt far from the Lord. In the last 365 days there have been moments of joy and moments of despair. There have been tears of laughter and tears of sadness. There have been times where I wanted to pack up and go home to the comfortable lifestyle I once knew and times where I could see us living here for many years down the road. Looking back at all of those moments I can't help but smile. I'm 25 years old and on the most incredible journey with the most wonderful husband. I remember thinking after high school, "I wonder where I'll be and what I'll be doing when I'm 25 years old!" At that time, it felt so far away. Where I am today is not where 18 year old Claudia thought she would be. Isn't that awesome? That's how remarkable of a God we serve. He knew where 25 year old Claudia would be way before it was on my radar. My friend today welcomed me to the quarter century of life. For a moment I thought to myself, "O gosh, I'm an old lady," but then I remembered how I'm in the most exciting place of my life. 365 days ago I had no idea what the next year would hold and 365 days later I am so thankful that is the case. I love how our story is written by our Father and even though life seems confusing and hard at times, He knows we will come out on the other side as long as we keep our eyes fixed on Him. So, heres to you 25 and another 365 days of life! I pray that I will love harder, laugh often, make new friends, fall even more in love with the community sitting on that hill, and grow deeper in faith and love to my beautiful Savior. 24 was good, but 25 is going to be GREAT!